Terms and Conditions
The information contained in this web site is intended only for the intended recipients only and may be privileged and/or confidential. If the reader is not the intended recipient or a representative of the intended recipient, any review, dissemination or copying of this message or the information it contains is prohibited. If you have arrived at this URL in error, please immediately notify the web master and delete the site from your bookmarks, cache, hard disk and biologic memory. Otherwise you’ll know too much and we will have to hunt you down. Please note that the opinions expressed in this web site (including but not limited to the preceding sentence) do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or management of The Duffy Agency AB or any of its affiliated companies. In fact, if you are considering litigation of any sort please be advised that no one in the company or its affiliates has any opinions about anything - especially about whatever it is that is pissing you off. We ourselves have filed several complaints about this web site but none of us will admit to writing it so there is no one to blame. If we may blame you or some one you know for this web site then please reply with a self addressed stamped envelope and $20 for postage and handling. You will receive a formal complaint from us within seven business days and our sincere thanks. The most common side effects of this web site are headache, facial flushing, and upset stomach. Less commonly, anal seepage, blurred vision, or sensitivity to light may briefly occur. Erections lasting for more than 4 hours may occur rarely. To avoid long-term injuries, it is important to seek immediate medical help. Please remove any sharp objects from your pockets before reading this web site. Smoking this web site could endanger your health. All tuna eaten during the production of this web site were caught in dolphin-friendly nets. However, we’re not sure what type of nets were used to capture the dolphins we’ve been eating. Pregnant or lactating women should consult a healthcare professional before reading this web site. Close cover before striking. Keep out of the reach of children. Contents under pressure. Do not dispose in a landfill. Keep away from open flame. No endangered species were molested in the production of this web site. We tried molesting pandas during the production of our previous site but it didn’t really help much and one of our production artists was severely mauled. This web site contains small parts (pixels) that may pose a choking hazard to young children or those suffering from acute pica. This web site is not a toy. No lifeguard on duty. Swim with this web site at your own risk. The management takes no responsibility for articles left in this website’s coatroom unattended. Lost or damaged pages from this web site will be replaced by the agency only with proof of purchase and a money order for $20 to cover postage and handling. For external use only. Do not apply this site to broken or irritated skin. If rash occurs, discontinue reading. All paper used in the production of this web site was recycled from green party promotional leaflets found scattered on the streets of Malmö after the 2006 election. Those leaflets were printed on paper produced from bleach-free pulp in a very clean mill with well-mannered mill workers who support the Kyoto treaty as it applies to countries other than their own. The computers used to create this site and the servers this site are hosted on reside on wooden tables, shelves and/or desks. Sorry about that, however, IKEA assures us that only organic trees were used to produce those items. All were grown in a sustainable manner until the point when they were chopped down by eco-friendly union lumberjacks and dragged from the forest by organic horses each of which had been fitted with catalytic converters surgically implanted in its colon to prevent the escape of any greenhouse gases during transport. Caution: This web site is slippery when wet. Any similarity between people living or dead is purely coincidental. If this web site reminds you of dead people please contact us with a self addressed stamped envelope and $20 for postage and handling immediately so we can remove you from our mailing list. This web site may cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this web site. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Always eat your vegetables. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say while reading this web site can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during viewing. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at your own expense. This web site is intended for personal use only. Out of courtesy to others please use the sanitary bag provided to dispose of this web site after personal use. Do not flush. This web site is protected by international copyright law and may not be reproduced in any manner to include, but not limited to: photocopying, scanning, photography, lithography, scribes, smoke signals, word-of-mouth, sign language, singing telegram, modern dance, tap, haiku, artificial insemination, cloning or animal husbandry. This web site may contain nuts or nut by-products. No animals were harmed during the production of this web site. To ensure this, the agency postponed its annual fox hunt and baby seal bludgeoning party until after production was completed. Save the whales and the pandas and the green alligators and long-necked geese, the humpy-back camels and the chimpanzees, the cats, the rats, the elephants but sure as you’re born, you ain’t gonna save no unicorns. Warning: Reading this web site under a strobe light may cause epileptic seizures. If there is a loss of cabin pressure while reading this web site a yellow mask will appear. Please secure your mask before helping others. It is illegal in some states to fornicate with this web site. This web site should only be read in a well-ventilated area. If nausea, vomiting, dizziness, rash, headache, fever or flatulence persist for more than two weeks after reading this web site contact your doctor (these symptoms typically clear up 7-10 days after reading the web site). Some readers have reported that immediately after viewing this web site at home, alone, at night their phone rang with dire consequence. If your phone rings after viewing this web site do not answer it. For indoor use only. Web Site will not automatically self-destruct after viewing, but may be burned or eaten. Do not leave a burning web site unattended. If eaten, we suggest accompanying with a chilled pinot grigio. This web site does not imply a belief in or bias towards any specific deity or prophet including but not limited to Allah, The Báb, Bahá'u'lláh, Bathala, Brahmâ, Vishnu, Shiva, Buddha, Bolon tza cab, El, God, Jehova, Jesus, Krishna, Muhammad, Moses, Na Tuk Kong, Odin, Ozymandious, Prishiboro, Quetzalcoatl, Sengen-Sama, Waheguru, Zeus, Moe, Larry or Curly. If you consume three or more alcoholic drinks every day, ask your doctor if you should read this web site as it may cause liver damage. Parental guidance suggested. This web site is not to be sold to minors. Do not read under the influence of alcohol, barbiturates, amphetamines, antibiotics, steroids, or fundamentalism. Please wash your hands before returning to work. All names in this web site have been changed to protect the innocent. If you feel you are innocent and have been wrongly accused by this web site than you may appeal the decision of this web site within seven business days. Please remit your request to our appeals division along with a self-addressed stamped envelope and $20 to cover postage and handling. Avoid direct eye contact. If eye contact occurs flush with cool water and contact your doctor. Avoid direct eye contact with your doctor as well. If direct eye contact occurs look down to the floor and ask if you can be excused. If swallowed induce vomiting. Mind the gap. Do not immerse in water. All stunts in this web site were performed by professionals. Do not try this at home. This web site is in complete compliance with the Geneva Convention. No one under the age of 16 should see this web site without parental supervision. All rights reserved. No parking within 20 feet of this web site. Violators will be towed at their own expense. Keep this web site with you at all times while traveling. Abandoned web sites may be destroyed by airport authorities. No fur was worn during the production of this web site (Stefan 2.0’s beard notwithstanding). This web site contains no image, caricature or other depiction of any prophet living or deceased. If you do find a depiction of a prophet in this web site praise your chosen deity – it’s a miracle … or possibly a practical joke. In any case, consult your spiritual leader immediately. FBI Warning: watch out for the FBI. There, you’ve been warned. This company is in compliance with all applicable Federal and State Laws and regulations and does not discriminate on the basis of sex. So please do not offer to have sex with us. It will get you nowhere. We’d rather just be good friends and leave it at that. This web site was not tested on animals. We asked a few of the creative to try it out but they refused. This web site may contain adult content, violence, explicit language and nudity. Viewer discretion is advised. For best results read before the expiry date printed on the outside of the landing page. In the event of a water landing this web site may not be used as a flotation device. If you suffer from Allodoxaphobia please do not click here
. If you suffer from Blennophobia please do not click here
. And if you suffer from Cenophobia please do not click here
. If flatulence occurs while reading this web site discontinue use and, please, open a window immediately. This web site is void where prohibited by law. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. All models over 18 years of age. Please remain seated until this web site has come to a complete stop. Reading type this small can cause headache and severe eye strain. You are advised not to read this fine print. This web site has been modified from its original format to fit on this screen. Content has been changed to suit general audiences. If you have read this far then either a) you have a highly developed sense of humor or B) you need to get a life. In any case you should be rewarded for your freakish attention to detail. Tweet “I have read @TheDuffyAgency terms and conditions”. If you are one of the first 20 people to do so we will Tweet you back, get your details and send you an agency T-Shirt. We designed it ourselves. The ink used on all our T-shirts is non-toxic. We know that because one of our interns drank a pint of the stuff at the office Christmas party last year. He liked it. Said it tasted like Karo syrup, merlot and diesel fuel. All terms and conditions are subject to change without notice, which means that you have just wasted your time reading all this because we reserve the right change it when ever we want – and we do that all the time. This concludes our test of the emergency broadcast system. Had this been an actual emergency you would have been informed where to tune in your area for further instruction. If despite all this you feel this web site has offended you on the basis of your race, color, national origin, sex, age, religion, disability, gender preference, creed, music tastes, morality, immorality, political stance, or status as a veteran then we’re real sorry. Please don’t kill us; after all it’s only a web site. Finally, we hope you will contact
us to help you promote your brand online and elsewhere, but don’t quote us on that.